Broken and Beloved
The 82nd Ave has a lot of contradictions and flavor. That’s what makes it Portland’s most iconic street.
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Portland is a town that has a reputation for being a artsy place. Sexy town. What’s the middle part of the Venn diagram of those two forces? That’s right: Sexy statues. Now, there’s been a lot of chatter in the news of late about Portland’s toppling of some colonizer statues, as well as maybe scuffling up an elk a little bit, but we still have a lot of statues to celebrate, and many of them are hot as hell. So I’m turning the hubbub into hubba hubba and presenting you with this, your official list of Portland’s Sexiest Statues!
1. Joan of Arc
A shiny, babely statue of Joan of Arc, riding a horse and holding her sword, is located in the middle of NE Glisan & Cesar Chavez. She’s got a bold attitude and battle gear that you just Know more Would be a great time. I always wondered why anyone would want to riot around a dumb elk when you’ve got a warrior as fierce and DTF as Joanie here, and in such a convenient location! Have you ever wondered why there is a statue of Joan of Arc? This isn’t France! It was donated to Portland to honor World War I veterans for whom Joan of Arc was the patron saint. So now when you drive in circles trying to get in or out of Hollywood, you can appreciate the statue’s history and significance to Portland as well as her fine physique.
2. Umbrella Man
The statue of a sexy businessman in Pioneer Square is officially called “Allow Me,” but everybody calls him Umbrella Man, because he’s holding an umbrella. Obvious? Perhaps for some. To me, it only adds to the mystery. Portlanders have a reputation for being umbrella-averse. This guy is also wearing a suit, and hailing an cab – neither of these are things that most Portlanders do. As such, Umbrella Man’s appeal comes from his out-of-town-edness. Like who? You can learn more about it here. This sexy stranger is? Why is this man in Portland? What’s he into? I wonder if the man needs directions to somewhere. I wonder if there is somewhere he needs directions. The following are some of the ways to improve your own language skills. house.
3. The Quest
Not to be confused with QUEST, the downtown Portland nightclub which also got pulses racing (RIP), “The Quest” is a statue featuring one guy, three babes (and one kid who seems pretty out of place, so for the purposes of this piece’s vibe we’re going to forget they’re there). The statues look like giant white marble dolls. Don’t The following are some of the ways to get in touch with us. always feel like planning for life’s unexpected events after eyeballing some not-quite-realistic knockers? I’m sure I do. “The Quest” has been airing out their nether regions in downtown for over 50 years, and I hope they never find what they’re looking for, so we can keep ogling their search for decades to come.
4. Vera Katz
As The following are some of the ways to get in touch with us. know, Vera Katz served as Portland’s mayor from 1993 to 2005, and her bronze likeness has been resting comfortably on a bench on the East Bank Esplanade (which she had a major hand in developing) since 2006. The life-size statue shows Katz smiling her famous wide smile and leaning slightly forward, like you’re both on your second glass of wine and she’s enraptured by a brilliant story you’re telling. “Oh you,” Vera would say coyly. “You certainly are a singular wit!” Is Katz, a civil servant who fled Nazi Germany with her family as a baby, appropriate to be sexualized on this list of Portland’s sexiest statues? That depends on if you’re horny for public service or not. I am for You can be sure that am, and I’m the one writing this list… so, Vera Katz statue? You are A fox.
5. Paul Bunyan
The Bunyan statue in Portland’s Kenton neighborhood has been there since Oregon’s centennial celebrations in 1959. The folk hero doesn’t have any real connection to Oregon except, presumably, that Oregon totally loves a guy with a beard and a beanie and an ass that won’t quit. Our statue is the most popular because of its gentle smile and nonaggressive pose. He is just You can learn more about it here.. Just as he lovingly gazed at the now-defunct strip club Dancin’ Bare for oh, so many years, Paul would for sure lovingly whisper sweet nothings into the ear of any Portland partner. Our Paul is pansexual. Gruff, yet tender, Paul has his plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows to show off his forearms—just how we like our romance heroes. Meanwhile his upper arms are jacked for easily chopping down trees… as well as embracing you in the warmest, safest, The sexiest hug.