What stereotypes embody your zodiac sign?

Today is the day we celebrate the cliché.

Each year on Nov. 3, the tried, the mostly true and the oft-repeated get their due on National Cliché Day.

The word cliché, French in origin, was used by printers to describe the cast plates or block prints they used to replicate text and images. Later, non-printers adopted the word to describe stereotypes and repetitive phrases.

As Sagittarius sage Alain de Botton writes, “The problem with clichés is not that they contain false ideas, but rather that they are superficial articulations of very good ones. If we say that the sun is usually on fire at sunset, and the moon is discreet, then we’ll believe it is the last word on the topic. Clichés are detrimental insofar as they inspire us to believe that they adequately describe a situation while merely grazing its surface.”

Today, friends, we’ll be honoring that graze with a little rundown of the most cliché qualities of each of the 12 zodiac signs, from the rage of Aries to the praise kink of Leo, the intensity of Scorpio to the flakiness of Gemini.

Learn more by reading on.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Aries, You’re a wild, impatient id, with a tendency to pyrotechnics. You don’t so much speak the truth as hurl it at others.

Your attention span is the only thing that can be compared to your fuse.

Your confidence is despite your utter incompetence and lack of tact. Your charm is like a baby who writes a haiku using their own feces.

Conflicts, car crashes and the soft sounding ash fall make your heart skip.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Taurus: You are lazy, self-righteous, and stubborn. You cannot forgive or accept help. You prefer floor exercises to cardio and are weed-incarnate. You like house plants and often imitate them with your inactivity — but the real prize of your personal cultivation is your illustrious garden of grudges.

The first words you ever learned were “mine” and “more.” Curiously ornate, your general vibe is that of a toddler monarch, swaddled in expensive fabrics and suffering from a mysterious blood disease and an unnatural appetite. QVC purchases are your way to self-soothe. Enjoy your meal al fresco Show tunes, carbohydrates and masturbation.

You are loyal but also lazy. You stay in relationships and jobs that are no longer useful.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

Gemini is a superficial flake, constant interruptor, and a taunter who thinks they know more than they do.

On a good day, you are unpredictable. But on the worst days, you’re illogical. You have difficulty maintaining eye contact, completing projects, or operating heavy machinery. You are both inspiring and exhausting. You’re flirtatious, non-committal, and easily distracted.

You’re physically incapable of keeping secrets. You would be the first to spread gossip if it were possible. You are more interested in the abstract than the actual truth.

Walt Whitman, your zodiac symbol is a man who swings wildly between high and low. Donald Trump is a high-speed cocaine-fueled coyote that has one eye.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

You live in a weird, sad bird’s nest built from umbilical cords, deflated balloons, stolen strips of your ex’s clothing and the broken kaleidoscopes of other people’s dreams, Cancer.

You are manipulative, moody and full of delusion. You are a manipulative person, you have rosy-colored rearview mirrors, and your ability is limited to move forward. You are a narcissist, because you think that everything revolves around you. 

You are poetic because All of us are able to do this. It hurts you.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Leo, I think you’re a glory-hog/stage mother/child star who is obsessed with your own success. You have big hair or a big ego — and probably both. You are the life of the party because you never know when to go home and can’t stand to be alone. You masturbate to your own sex tape and expect to be treated like the celebrity/second-string royalty you believe yourself to be, with comped Champagne, bent knees and kisses on your pinky ring.

You’re selfish and extravagant and cannot bear a bad angle or a supporting role. You only exist if you’re being watched and are only generous if there’s an audience.

Your bluster, your pageantry, and your fear of being average are all masks for a deep-seated fear.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Virgo is a killjoy who carries a holster to hold your hand sanitizer. You consume herbs in the hope that they will prolong your life, but are unable to fully enjoy it.

Detail-oriented, and always in a state of existential fear and anxiety, you’re never satisfied. You bind your idiosyncrasies into a sort of earth-toned armour that keeps others from believing you are fun or DTF.

You’re judgmental, demanding, and secretly enjoy it when others disappoint you. It means that you were right the whole time. You love to be slummed in relationships, because you know that if you’re needed by someone who is a codependent, broken trash monster, then you won’t ever be considered expendable.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Libra: You’re a people-pleasing pushover who maintains the status quo at all costs — and to the detriment of all parties.

You enjoy clean lines, modernist furnishings and sexting. You’re more interested in the appearance of things than their feel. You’d rather impress strangers than please close friends.

You’re an average cook and a world-class pot stirrer. Being in a relationship allows you to avoid having to define your self in other ways.

You are very chameleonic. You’re indecisive, but you never seem to be kind. You are a flirt who is ruthless and unrepentant, but you’re too cowardly for a long period of being single. You’re great at interior design, airbrush makeup and cocktail parties but have no interest in developing your own interiority.

You’re a social climber who relies on cheap charm and network connections to avoid hard work.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio, you’re intense, obsessive, and drunk with power.

You are sexually insatiable, and you’re a wildly suspicious person. An emotional hoarder with a disquieting veneer, you are the aggregate of every crime boss, movie villain, pimp and femme fatale that’s ever walked the streets or lived in the cultural imagination. You believe in ghosts and the evil that is inherent in others.

You are the phantom opera, stealing souls, trading secrets, and running the show.

You play the long game when it comes to revenge and are the sign most likely to break a heart — and steal a kidney.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You are an optimist Bon vivant Sagittarius, you are allergic to commitments. You want to have fun at all times.

You fancy yourself a philosopher when, in actuality, your ethos can more or less be encapsulated by a few lines from “Point Break.” You are a pedantic idealist who espouses the merits of freedom while subjecting everyone to your bulls–t.

You’ll take a set of wheels over a picket fence any day of the week and consider venereal diseases, divorce, warrants and bad tattoos the marks of a life richly lived.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Capricorn, you are a capitalist who punishes people and has a god complex. You put profits before people.

Your ambition has no limits and your ruthlessness knows no limits. You are proud of your ability to exile, control or deny your emotional side. Reserved and calculated, you don’t act or speak unless you’re sure of the return on investment. If it doesn’t pay, it has no purpose; if it doesn’t last, it has no appeal.

You don’t like the trivial or inefficient. You don’t believe in ghosts, astrology or second chances.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarius: you don’t have feelings and would prefer to spend your life working on a reality simulator than ever talking to a stranger.

You are drawn to the utter silence of outer space. As the sign for the charismatic leader of a cult, you are a weirdo who loves loose linens, mind-control, and experimental communities.

You have a great love for humanity but a strong aversion to social interaction. You identify with Oprah. You are the Oprah of your generation.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Pisces can be described in many ways. They are a mixture of a manic-pixie dreamgirl, sad-sack poetry, wet-eyed saint, nihilist with a turtleneck or the last person at a party barely standing, while dancing to synthpop and drinking cheap Champagne.

You’re known for being emotionally fragile and showing up with half a bag at all kinds of social events. You can’t handle the reality of today. Instead, you live in a Teletubby dream world of prescription drugs, white lies and John Hughes film montages.

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes incorporate history, poetry, popular culture, and personal experience. She has also been a successful writer, profiling a wide range of artists and musicians. She has also chronicled her travel experiences extensively. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.